on the road again

so today is the day that me and meg go to see Brand fucking New in london, and we will surely be leaving moderately soon? so im taking the chance to write a blog while we play the waiting game. we will be getting the train to wembley this evening, and today we may hit china town and camden, which is hella exciting. its the first weekend in 3 months that i havnt seen my lovely boy but he has exams and i will not poison his brain or be a temptress, i shall leave him to his revising. hank and i are bonding oh so much (hank is the newly acquired guinea pig and he sure is a bastard) and he now lives inside my hair. anyway! i have not much more to say apart from possibly goodbye, im not sure i'll come home alive 

just put me down

i feel like shit. im back at college for the first time in about 5 weeks (due to being lazy aswell as being snowed in i just havn't gone to college. lame.) im now sat in the usual extended project, writing this. after suffering from lack of sleep for the last few weeks, im finally feeling to brunt of all this bullshit. im literally fatigued, my body is bored of being awake and energetic and is putting up a fight to go into shut down. had a migraine last night which sucked nuts, and for some pathetic reason i still have it. probably after sitting under that fucking epileptic-fit-inducing flickering light in the textiles room. college is so homo its unreal, after being away for so long ive realized why im so reluctant to be here. its a load of shit, the people are shit, the lessons are shit. ive got so much work to do and so little friends that every day here is like some little pathetic physcological torture. its not that long till i get to flick some V's at this place and never see it again but ive got till the 28th of june to sit out. ive also decided im going on a gap year, which means some really banging blogs for all 12 of you followers. love you gaiz btw (L) my leg is still being spazzy, im putting it down to it being mildly dislocated. my brain feels like its about to burst and cover my neighbouring computer into chunks of grey sludge. my little finger still FUCKING hurts from that FUCKING cactus. BUT, i have a lovely lump of citrine hanging off my neck- for all of you who dont know what that is, its a very nice crystal- for its healing powers. after going into the crystal shop yesterday to get perscribed a nice shiny stone to obliterate my alements, i felt pretty tranquil. plus this rock looks fucking cool, it just makes me not so hostile about the whole shitty life, just makes me apathetic. this whole typing with my last word of a sentence bold is awesome.

OH GEE WHIZZ

HOW I DO ENJOY THIS EPISTOLARY LIFESTYLE OF MINE

dont you just hate it when

you're in the middle of doing some bad ass essay, you put your work down to go make a cuppa, and then you come back and that bic medium has vanished off the face of the planet. im normally pretty good with knowing where things are, but biro's seen to just dissolve or evaporate as soon as they leave my grip. anyway. biggest news of today; i finally washed my hair. im a new woman.

another day in paradise

been sat at my work station again, no one will ever understand how much danger i am in by this constant apathy and lethargic behavior. the sordid affair taking place between my ass and the sofa is something to be concerned about. if my skin binds itself into the very suede fabric of the sofa im going to have some serious issues. anyway, today ive missed college again because im still snowed in to this god damn house. my work station is steadily become more of a bomb site, with horse hair, bits of bone and a hell of a lot of string. my body is finally beginning to resist the cold, but i have also taken new plans of action in order to avoid the cold, such as not going outside for a fag, but smoking through the cat flap. also, not getting changed but just overlapping layers upon layers of filthy clothing and using the dirt on your body as an extra layer of insulation... i should really just have a shower and go back to college.

OH SHIT

dear journal; i feel my plight is inevitable. my hair has reached new standards of filth and intolerance to my attempts to tame or sustain normality. hygiene is a thing of the past. my teeth have little furry coats on and ive  been eating a hell of a lot of garlic, and we all know what that means. breath like shit. anyway, today i have had yet another day of moiling and toiling around the house with meg. once again ive moulded myself to the welt in the sofa; the grove which has been carved by my hot mummah bootay. i have read spacula, done some drawing, re-formatted all of my textile art and contemporary fashion analysis's, and constructed an aesthetically pleasing to-fucking-do list. so boo-fucking-hoo to all yo suckaz with no organization skills. i've also decided to go vegetarian for a while for a multitude of reasons; 1- im getting really fucking chunky fat so im thinking eating less corpse will do me and my love handles the world of good (meg says dont eat too much cheese). 2- anthony decided it was okay for me to go vegetarian if i wished, so no more KFC visits for us. he's sacrificing a lot for me bless him. 3- i like animals, i dont think eating them is too cool, chicken is just too tasty. 4- listening to meg going off it about her vegan views really does sink in, its like subliminal messaging, but in a harmless way, its more like an epiphany or a realiztion. 5- veg is so tasty, who needs meat. anyway yeah, that was a point of today. also spent 2 hours piercing my nose, and i put out pretty well. i was not pains hostage and took it like a real man. apart from that, thats about it. its quarter to 4 in the morning and me and meg are going strong. we pretty much work as a unit in every damn thing we do- a sentient being you may say... anyway. ive got nothing else to say. but i really miss this one... he makes a good cuppa.

"this cursed land, where the devil and his children walk with earthly feet"

survival instincts are kicking in. intuition imperative. i havnt left this house since tuesday morning, and its now saturday evening. i also havnt washed my hair in approximately 8 days and i fear its going to all fall out. ive been so cold all day, ive tried to make movement that will burn energy minimal. no excessive uses of brain power or anything that will take away body heat. which means today i have been stationary on the sofa apart from moving for the necessities and vital resources. such as going for a piss or fetching another cup of tea. i could show Bear Grylls a thing or two about survival. more snow on the way... and i say, bring it the fuckkkk on.

I FUCKING SWEAR

IF MEG FUCKING FARTS ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I LITERALLY MIGHT PASS OUT

Its been one productive week.

So i went to college on tuesday, and got ant to pick me up. great. but it gets better, college has been closed all week due to the nutty snow >: ) im so happy, its been so nice to chill out and get really fucking cold playing in that wonderful white dust. the snow has proved to be too much fun. my knees are an odd shade of plum from the amount of times ive thrown myself into the snow and taken the brunt of its icy embrace. the amount of times ive had snow stuck up my nose, in my eyelashes, in my ears, down my back and frosting my lady tash is unreal. i suffered from a case of spaz- leg shortly after leaving college on tuesday. my left leg just stopped working and decided to be a bastard and start to self destruct for NO reason, making running through knee high snow really fucking difficult. the main points of this week are; i nearly ripped my own lip ring out from trying to fit my fist in my mouth, i am a ping pong champion, that the dread locks that have developed in the back of my hair are here to stay and aren't going for love nor money. eating snow does not quench thirst like you'd hope, and power cuts are good for family bonding. i havnt touched any more work, but im going to leave that for this weekend. im guessing im still going to be incapable of moving out of this house due to the stupid amounts of snow. possible activities this weekend; sledding? more snow involved fun? cake making? being pretty much completely skint does not help anything but i do not care. poverty here i come. its growing dark and cold and my fingers are damn near dropping off.  yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Zzzz

First day back at college and currently in my extended study lesson, and as always im not doing my work. I just spent 40 minutes reading fear and loathing in las vegas and now thought i'd write a blog. im in a pretty good mood considering i've had 3 hours sleep. went to bed at 4 last night and not feeling too good about it. this whole nocturnal thing is getting old, i honestly just wish i could sleep now, my bed calls. if my bed had a face, it would constantly be giving me the bedroom eyes. my eyes are sagging and my body is lagging and its a bad combo. im not feeling bright eyed nor bushy tailed but im pretty content because the mighty anthony text me to tell me his college has been closed today and tomorrow, and with a lot of persuasion ive managed to convince him to come and be my hostage for tonight and tomorrow. i almost forgot just how much work college actually is but i really need to try hard to sort my act out this term. I NEED TO APPLY TO UNIVERSITY AND I JUST HAVN'T BECAUSE IM A TOTAL PENIS. university is a preeettttyy major factor that i should be worrying about in my life but im just not, for some reason everything that is significant and i should be thinking about just slips my mind and i end up thinking about pointless things like, if you own a piece of land, do you own that land all the way to the earths core? why does mineral water thats been flowing through mountains and massive rocks and glaciers for centuries have a use by date? do blind people dream? if they do, what do they see? does everybody see in the same palette of colours or does each individual person apply a different colour to the name of the colour? whose to say what i see as red you dont see as blue? why is it if youre eating a packet of crisps or sweet and someone really wants them, you have to say no, no matter what they offer you for them? anyway. my lungs still hurt, possibly from white spirit. maybe im gunna get pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. look it up, im not even making words up.

In the last throws of life

i have drank way too much tea for my own good today and now i think im going to have a stroke. i dont feel too hot at all, but perhaps its karma for not going to college and being a grumpy guss. ive spend almost all day sat in my bed sweltering. i woke up this morning to meg barging her way in and saying "im surprised you dont have a fucking face tumor or something, this place fucking stinks of white spirit." its true, i probably have got some sort of cancer or maybe turning radioactive. wishful thinking but alas, i might get lucky. so i got up, saw my brother who i havnt seen in a fairly long time, he gave me some useful life advice about money and education, which was amusing and ironic since he is currently jobless and homeless and quit college after 2 weeks. he is now 27 and still trying to sort his life out. i then made myself yet another delicious lunch. today was prawn jalfrezi curry. it looked like liqiud shit on a plate but christ was it delectable.

ive spent the rest of my day in a oddly numb mood, drinking more tea than any human should, and im really feeling the brunt of it now. i literally feel like a big hideous balloon full of caffine and farts. ive tried fruitlessly and failed at writing my english essay, which was to be expected to be honest. i now just have achy eyes and really bad chest pains, which im not too overwhelmed about. ive just realized writing a blog when you're in a bad mood is really reflected in your writing. might aswell just feel really sorry for myself for the rest of this then; i feel pretty hostile towards anyone/ anything. had bad dreams last night and woke up livid, had too much work today as well as complete apathy towards college. dont want to interact with anyone but like most things in life, i have to deal with it and do it anyway. got a belly ache because i ate chilli too fast and now its curdling in my gut with the rivers of stomach acid and tea, i think theres more caffine in my bloodstream than red blood cells. ive officially thrown my literature notes down, sat here with a hunched back and got myself all angry. i need an early night and a real nights sleep... on the plus side, the sunset was beautiful this evening.

Nocturnal; I HAVNT SLEPT IN WEEKS

tonight i participated in a pub full of moshers listening to portsmouths gaggle of local bands make some real good noise and it was really "nice". double bass and cow bells are literally music to my ears. birthday boy ben spat Guinness in my face, called my cousin my mum and then overtly said that he "would" and then sat awkwardly on the bar stool with his eyes orbiting his eye sockets. ive had a really chilled day. after realizing i wasn't in any way shape or form going to be able to read the whole of bram stokers Dracula for tomorrow (well now today since im already 3 hours into monday) i simply gave up and spent have the day moiling around in my undressed bed and writing lists that i have probably already lost. i am currently sat on megs bed listening to her snore and wondering why i cannot physically sleep anymore. if my body clock were a person id slap it square in the face.

I GOT LIES TO TELL YOUR CHILDREN

ive had a really what seems like productive day. its been a nice one. woke up nice and early in a room that is near to suffocating me with white spirit fumes but its fine. find that i still have them fucking nutty spots that wont go away so i spent a good few moments picking them before waking up meg and deciding i would not have a shower (yet again) and that i did not have any clean clothes because i havnt washed any for around 2 weeks so i would have to wear my art shirt that is splashed with acrylic paint and baggy jeans. hair was looking really naughty so i had to wear a hat, which came hand in hand with a sweaty head that smelt like old wool and outlandish whisps of hair aspiring to make me look the moron. anyway, got me 50 wild bird balls for £7, money well spent. im gunna watch the birds drop from the sky from the amount they consume.  they no doubt-idly will be strung across my fence in the morrow. anyway, got back home and made a delicious delicious lunch after cruising through sainsburys and buying hella vegetables. it went a little something like this...

this was really tasty. TRUST ME. anyway. after copious amounts of tea, i spent hours upon hours doing work, and hell did i get work done. im pretty happy, the bulk of it has gone down. 1012 word use of found object in contemporary fashion essay, done. 1103 word essay on Jacques-Louis David and Artemisia Gentileschi, done. 1163 word art proposal, done. im on it, yet i havnt even scratched the surface on the work that needed to be done. anyway, never the less, dinner time rolled round and meg proposed another delicious meal. and this time, it went a little something like this.

it was romantic. it was pure delight. chickpea and onion falafel, onions garlic and mushrooms pan fried, spicy salsa, salad, spinach, pitta bread, hummus. it was amazing. our love lives on and a passion for cooking is born. me and meg shall unite every evening to create culinary wonders. as for now, we're going on a romantic drive through the country side to celebrate this wonderful and successful day. peace out

Today I spilt white spirit over my bed and legs whilst bird watching.

long time no blog. the story goes, in the last week i have seen my friends, really fucked my liver off, eaten a lot, become a total consumer, come to the realization that i really am skint, said goodbye to my dad again until the next time i see him, come to the conclusion i probably wont see my mum again for a fairly long time and that life may be really hard from here on... but, despite this, im feeling pretty frisky about the whole situation. i dont know what it is but im getting a whole new outlook on life. ive got the people i need, got the mind set i need to be in, so im all set. i came into this year of 2010 feeling like id lifted a weight. after watching my cousin talking about the past and regrets and being so down, i decided im not going down that path. what has happened is done, and nothing can be done, so im really going to focus on the future and on the now. getting pissed last night in approximately 17 minutes was a success, and ended up with me and meg giving ourselves tattoos. i am now branded as a satanist. i have an anti-christ cross tattooed on my hand and i dont give a damn, im going to hell anyway for farting on my boyfriend. new years resolutions;

• sort college out
• steal my car from my mums house and sell it
• use money for pointless and novelty items and end back at square one
• make some sort of new hole in my face
• try not to eat so god damn much
• stop picking for spots
• be nicer to ant
• generally sort life out
• get a phone
• dont be a rim.