Piece of π

you know them times when you're laid back in your bed, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, knowing you have the complexion of a corpse and a brain that isnt quite cooperating nor coordinating because you've pissed yourself off so much that all your organs are tipped into a numbness... well thats how i feel. im worried some one will find me up here, tangled in my bed sheets and it'll be like a scene from alien, with my guts limply strung around the bedposts and an implosive sort of wound in my torso where ive just detonated under the pressure of my own "deep thought", or whatever i call this bullshit. not to sound like a goth or an emo or the kind of person you'd give a sideways glance because they look capable of suicidal and/or homicidal tendencies, but it is therapeutic to just write pointless nothings when ive got gripe sometimes. its like all the problems in the world come crashing down at once and its never like, just one little thing that you can take aside and pick apart until you can break it down into bite size chunks and "digest" the issue better, it all comes like some tsunami torrent of aggro. unneeded, defiant aggro that seems to want to bend you over its knee and give you a firm but fair spanking until youre weeping and sore. this isnt how i want to feel, like some child who is constantly getting punished for some deed they did, but i do feel like people pull me apart and seem to look straight through me to find every little imperfection, its hard to feel good about yourself in this sort of world and lifestyle, the arrogant types with so much self pride are those who suffer from an affliction called "stupidness" and are thus diagnosed as morons. this manifestation of idiots seems very overwhelming and i'd like to keep myself to myself but thanks to the morons doing what they do best, i cant even be happy when good things come along, so cheers you guys and your moronic behaviour. my life, if i were to use a metaphorical representation, would probably be similar of a toddler learning to walk. if you watch a 3 year old kid get up off their knees, stand up, start to walk and then this walk progresses into an aggressive juddering sort of trot in which the legs are in dysfunctionally straight positions, you'll note just as theyre bouncing along and beaming with unadulterated joy, the inevitable fall comes, and you watch them face plant into the floor, not even bringing their palms out to break to fall but just eating cement. thats me. on the floor, sulking and pummelling my fists and feeling that stupid stinging palm feeling, and feeling like i should never run again so i can ensure i never fall. but when you've got problems and you're trying to explain them and someone is telling you to just get up and sort it out, its never easy to "just" do anything, its not a piece of pie and you cant just forget and go forward unfazed by anything unless you are a moron. the pressure to just do something is a little intense for me. whether it be the pressure to tidy my room, do well at college or simply change the way i think, i feel like its the biggest deal in the world to be told what to do or what to think and some people may say its obnoxious and bigoted way to think or feel but its the morons that have conditioned me to feel this way. so...

shutup.