NEWSFLASH

since i've already written 2 blogs about 2 important people in my life (said josh and meg), i think its important to write a proper blog about someone else extremely special. This be my boyfriend Anthony. i care about this naughty cypriot hunk a hell of a lot and hes done a lot for me in the last few months and i couldnt ask for more, he's exactly what ive needed and hes doing a damn good job of making me happy. if it wasnt for him i may well have blown my brains out for sorrow by now, but he keeps a massive smile on my face and lets me know im still cared about and i couldnt thank him more to be honest. ive had a really shit few months with a lot of nasty stuff going down and taking me down with it, and hes been there making it better as much as he can. he's totally beautiful and has amazing hair and the best golden eyes and a personality i will never ever get bored of. i hope he sticks around for a long time and doesnt get bored of my shitty mood swings and pathetic behavior or my sleep talking and constant retarded-ness.  i dont know how to even begin thanking him or showing him how much i care about him but i guess a blog about him is one step forward and better than nothing. hes the best and i love him to bits and wouldnt swap him for all the tea in china

suck the balls with melancholy, fa la la la la la la laaaaaa

its christmas. i am officially a total consumer, my 30 feet of intestines are fit to burst with all sorts of tasty treats, but i feel slash look at least 5 months pregnant with the baby of festive spirit. i havnt blogged in a while and i've completely lost my touch, but to update you guys, i've been having the time of my life playing in the snow-ho-ho-ho and being a total bum. nothing changes really. i have a lifetimes worth of work to do before i go back to college which aint gunner happen yanno. i am currently enjoying the more refined delights life beholds, such as being skint, literally have £3.87 in my bank account. it'll get me far. cant even buy a fucking sloppy kfc for that meager amount of dosh. what am i to do? hopefully famine will kick in and i'll start to waste away and lose my festive weight and all the other puppy fat hanging off my bones from previous gluttonous times. my pint of bison juice mixed with apple juice lays beside me, my gut resides in a tire like composition across my lap and my external hard drive balances on my duvet nest backing up all the shit i have collected on my craptop over the last 2 years. i feel oh so productive. sitting in a room with my silent cousins, all 3 of us blogging, and talking to my nut of a boyfriend about video games? perfect. roll on the new year i say.

BBBBEEEEEEEECCCKKK

i am so fucking tired. i've barely slept. i've been up since the crack of shit and my eyes feel like they're made from led. there is no escape. tonight ive got to do the college fashion show, which means getting my bad self sinched into this ridiculous corset, resulting in me being unable to breathe or yawn, which in turn results in me feeling severly ill and on the verge of blowing my brains out for lack of oxygen. unlike all the other girls doing this fashion show, i dont look good in corset, it doesnt make me slimmer and it most certainly doesn't make my boobs look big, if anything it reduces them. further more, by the time i get home from this stinking prep fest im going to have NO time to do ANY other work and i might aswell just get SKULL FUCKED and obliterate my brain cells since theyre going to no use. BOH. im looking forward to breaking up from college this friday and getting alcohol poisoning and then spending the rest of my christmas holidays in intensive care. MERRY SHITMAS

"I've never seen you this bad..."

my weekend thus far; we're now approaching 11pm on a sunday evening and i thought i should relay my weekend to you guyz. so, friday, me and the boy have got home after faffing about, getting real fucking greasy gnoshing on a KFC and then went home to enjoy the comfort of my pit of a bedroom. this comfort quickly resorted to the best nap of my life, and we woke some time later in a sleepy daze, and i can honestly say that nap was better than sex... eh hem. anyway, my saturday was wonderful, spent cruising about Guilford. THOUGH, i got seriously fucking aggy with the amount of  gormless  r3t@rd$ oggling at me, i was on the verge of running about like some sort of savage and plucking every individuals eyes out with my bared teeth and spitting them back down their ajar mouths and making them choke on them. i was literally livid, for no good reason or rhyme. another thing ive realized is how much i hate pretty girls. its funny how any other girl i see i find myself checking out and feel myself going gangrenous with envy. it did my nut in when i was trynna walk about, getting paranoid by the amount of "bare fit birds" strutting around. and strangers touching me, thats a whole different story. they could have been fingering their bum holes and bathing in their own piss and then come out and like, jostle next to me when im just trynna walk along. is it too much to ask to go in a straight line without gimp stumbling into your path and coughing on the side of your face as you pass? anyway. in addition to this eclectic group of minging people who cant function normally, we come to said Meg, that batty hippy lass. watching her lay on her back on the sofa with legs jutting over the edge with 2nd stage rigomortis, hair like a firey cheese string and face like someone who has spent the last 9 weeks face down in a bowl of water, absorbing every drop to turn into this great bloated and shiny orb, i couldn't help but find her repugnant. to watch her then progress to heaving up her pajama bottoms to the top of her thighs, sitting with legs outspread and forcing every in growing hair out, the emotion that accompanied my view of her distasteful display was a mixture of pure distain and respect. for the record, she has just appeared back in the room, washed but still looking like a spongey pale mess. while i was looking at her this very moment, she's grunted "what, are you capturing the essence of my glory?".... Its funny coz its true. night everyone

round II

Once again, I find myself in this oh so thrilling extended study lesson, staring at the computer screen and feeling the bile in my stomach shift from eating too many "nice" biscuits and drinking no fluid as of yet today. I need to remain hydrated, at the moment i think my body functions have resorted to adapting to similar methods a camel uses to surive; i literally must be living off a hump storing water and fats. thats my excuse for being a chunky monkey, im not big boned or carrying a little festive weight, im just retaining water okay.

Anyway, im once again looking forward to another weekend of tomfoolery and buggery. i plan to go christmas shopping and buy everyone cheap and disgusting gifts that i will find hilarious and novelty beyond beleif but what my family may see as disrespectful and just damn rude. if any of my family read this blog, expect a little chunk of shit rolled in newspaper. i mean it with love, not in jest.

I AM ROMA

I HAVE NO BONER

BECAUSE I WOULD NEED A WANG FOR THAT

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, MY CROTCH IS FLAT

I ENJOY BATTERING OLD WOMEN AND KICKING KIDS IN THE SHINS

IM A HARDCORE BITCH WHO THROWS BABIES IN BINS

IVE GOT A HEAD LIKE MEDUSA AND A FACE LIKE THE MOON

I MAY LOOK RETARDED BUT HELL IM NO GOON

MALICE RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS AND MY BONES ARE MADE OF STEEL

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME DOWN, GET FUCKING REAL

I COULD RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB WITH MY LITTLE TOES

AND SUCK OUT YOUR HEART USING ONLY MY NOSE

IF YOU'RE STILL NOT SCARED OF ME YOU MUST BE DERANGED

IM SO DANGEROUS I SHOULD BE ENCAGED

MY VICTIMS NEVER GET TO TELL MY STORY

BECAUSE IM ALL ABOUT THE FUCKINGS BLOOD, GUTS AND GLORY

FEAR ME PEOPLE, IM NOT TO BE TAMPERED WITH

FUCK WITH ME AND YOU'RE SURE TO NOT LIVE.

Sam Shelley says ...

"oh wow, if you write a blog today it'll tick over into december... this makes me happy..."

i picked up on his tip, im writing this blog so i officially have a blog for decemeber.

DECEMBER MEANS GETTING REALLY FUCKING FAT ON MINCE PIES AND SLOSHY MULLED WINE. BRING ON FESTIVE WEIGHT >: (