Die in shame and dishonour, bleeding from the nose in a drunken slumber.

These last few days ive been reading and watching some seriously influential things and its opening my eyes to the world, but i keep remembering that one person cant change the world. i mean, jesus tried to change the world and what happened to him? he got pinned up on a cross like a right weener with nails through his palms. i dont want that to happen to me if i go round the street trying to tell people shit they dont wanna hear, i'll end up strapped to the front of some kebab van with old leering men laughing at me. no thanks. i think i might go live in a treehouse in the jungle for afew years. proper off the beaten track and tucked away from society and come back like some neanderthal woman, partly evolved into a plant aswell. the thought of this pleases me, i could just photosynthesize and respire, it'd be a quick and efficient weight loss plan. anyway im pretty sick of people telling me what i am and what im not, ive got blood lust for a lot of people now, i dont know what it is, but im becoming bitter as shit in my old age and i honestly want half the worlds population to go fuck themselves. for all the girls who become total shag lords and cant hold enough morals to keep their pants up, they deserve the crotch-full of STI's they get. all the men who cheat and lie because they havnt got the capacity to think about hurting their partners feelings should be castrated. to all the kids or adults of get cheap thrills from being cruel to animals on purpose need me to drop kick their heads. im so fucking livid today and i dont know why, but im hostile. irate even. stay out my way chumps, im ready to smash skulls

Young at heart

i wish i was 1 again, and that i didnt have to worry about all the concerns of adult life and the big bad world, and i could just sit and play with colours and shapes and not know what it is to speak and not know how to argue or tell someone who hurt you to fuck off, just to gargle and laugh and sleep.  growing up is over-rated. who wants to grow up and fall in and out of love, get heart break, try drugs and get drunk, lose friends and learn how much of a dog eat dog world it is when you could just stay young forever and never have to worry and to have bone marrow built like rubber and to fall down and not break, just bounce back up and carry on waddling along and putting things in your mouth that you shouldnt. i'd give anything to forget everything and be young again for a day. it didnt matter if things werent okay because you never knew then..

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

im still baffled about the whole space thing. so much about it doesnt make any sense. ive been thinking about it and it just stumps me. why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass? it all a crock of shit. if i had the time i would do some research, take a degree in astrology, perhaps join NASA... but the truth is that im probably going to end up in a cardboard box under old newspapers in a tesco car park. ANYWAY, on that bombshell, ive decided i seriously cannot wait for it to snow again. autumn weather is an absolute life ruiner. this year im gunna be a badass snow fighter, not like last year where i just got destroyed by snowball head shots. ive thought about strategy and tactile advantages, and im thinking my best move would be to fashion some sort of catapolt and just batter the shit out of everyone and everything with tonnes of snow. watch out winter lovers, the snow will be stained red with the blood of my victims.

Wake the sun so stars can shine

 I'd like to know what the deal with space is, like... how big is it? because it really shits on my wheetabix that i cant fathom how it works. theoretically speaking, it does go on forever, and apparently it expands, but how can something than has infinite space expand? what is it expanding into? more space... but then that makes no sense, surely that bit more space has something beyond it as well? my thoughts on the matter; fuck it all. ive decided im going to invent a way to make the human race immortal ( apart from all the assholes out there, they can just do one) and when the earth eventually over populates or we get grilled slowly by solar flares, all the human race can just pack up and go to space to float about and inhabit our neighboring planets and just look out of our little space houses into the nearest nebula. shotgun uranus by the way, thats going to be my own hostile little planet where im gunna have some banging tea parties.  a lot of people say how amazing it would be to control time and space, but if i had the ability to control the spacetime continuum i wouldn't change much, i dont see the point in people trying to make life so perfect and avoid any problems, something bad is bound to happen to you one day, whether a grand piano falls out the sky and crushes you or you tread in some particularly nasty dog shit, it all builds character. though if i did have some control id like to have bernards watch, and just freeze time at free will to go and cause mischief. for me that just spells fun, i revel in the idea of the possibilities.. drawing giant cocks on national state buildings and undressing people and reassembling their clothes back on their bodies on the wrong limbs or on backwards. oh if i were God id really show this shitty planet a good time.

The ghost said to the invisible man, "long time no see!"

So,  what did one eye say to the other? "between you and me, something smells...". word around the block is that i should really crack on and do some college work, but im thinking im gunna sit my big ol' ass right on this 'ere sofa and plough through a bag of asda muesli and just search videos of cats doing funny things on youtube while all my work pails into insignificance. after all, it is sunday, thus forth i rename it Funday for my own novelty purposes. im having the time of my life watching my aunt mow the lawn and picking bits of granola and raisin out my teeth. i factually have not brushed my teeth since yesterday morning, ive got death breath. after a gut full of cider, wine, vodka, mcdonalds, fags and tea, my bowels are screaming at me and i can literally taste me own breath when i breathe.. its like some sort of calcified carbohydrate taste, and i have no shame in it, i don this breath with a pride that only the homeless and my crusty a-hole licking cat would understand. what i would really like to do with this spare time i have is do something excessively destructive like burn down a house or smash some plates or ruin the feng shui of someone's cactus garden, but, alas, i must do work. im going to read a extract of prose thats 622 years old, so fuck all you modern age readers, with your katie price novels and twilight, im gunna get serious about reading and go get a literature boner over this book. peace out.

"another day, another dickhead"

I WANT TO MARRY THIS MAN...

SO MUCH

Dont dink and drance

nice |nīs|

adjective

1 pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory 
i like it when things are "nice", so monotonously pleasing that the only word that can be used to describe   it is "nice", because its not quite good enough to warrant being fantastic or using another interesting adjective. i think at the time being i feel nice with a twist of apathy. strange mood to be in on a sunday morning. The weekend has been eventful, i managed to make my sisters cat shit itself; it literally pebble-dashed the front room table with liquid shit, and managed to complete a trail of chocolate buttons across the floor and onto my sisters boyfriends slipper. he was not best pleased, he was having none of that. as i prophesied i did end up drinking myself into a stupor last night, and it was most good and i made myself a prime example of what all drunks should be. godbless my liver for taking all my bullshit

IT returns... and it brings with it the stench of second hand vegetable ass gas.

this indeed, is it. the fabled fire headed woman of whom local folk have claimed to see wearing a jumper with a dogs head on with a grey woolen bonnet. she is no myth. she is no mortal. she is m-m-m-m-m-muh-muh-muh-meh-meh-megggg!!!!! i thought i might aswell throw this in since the "woman" is indeed a large part of my life now. i'll let you all know, she told me over a romantic dinner for 2, as we deep throated our home made vegetarian pasta bake, that if i were a boy and not her cousin she would indeed marry me. ive always known she wanted me but since ive moved in things have escalated a little. i'll let her down gently though, ive been thinking about it long and hard and i just dont think it would work out. its a shame really, our children would have been so beautiful....

He broke your heart? Break his spine.

So here i am again, gurning and slowly roasting in this room. i dont think im exaggerating when i say its hotter than the sun in here and i probably will be nothing but a smoldering pile of embers by the end of this evening. this situation could only be better if i was basted in honey with an apple in my mouth on some sort of rotisserie device. i can feel pretty much every egg in my ovaries getting scrambled from laptop radiation too. i hope that means my children will have 6 eyes and surplus limbs, if i dont indeed become infertile.  anyway, once again, i find myself shredding my hair out over the fact i have nothing constructive to do. i could do work, but then again, i could sit here and write about how bored i am and contemplate my life untill its fit to be re-evaluated and sorted out. which wall should i put my ladder of life against? which road shall i take? will i die with too many regrets? do i treat people with enough respect? am i going in the right direction? should i have cereal or toast for breakfast tomorrow?... so many pressing issues. "issues for ass tissues". i would really like to do something tomorrow that is going to take my mind off how dismal i am at pulling my act together and sorting things out. something along the lines of drinking cider until i have a seizure and slam someones head off a curb, plunge face first into the road and get arrested, spend the night in a cell, choking on my own delicious chunter. the back of my knees are sweating with excitement just thinking about this frisky proposition to get reaaally fucking messy. oh i hope that will be the order of the evening.

I WANT A CUP OF HOT CHOCOSHIT.

Suck my left one.

if someone buys me one of these i will literally pin them down and bone them. i hate the fact im so bored my brain has stopped functioning again, and ive stopped blinking and im concerned my eyes are starting to crust over. if i dont find something to do soon i know i'll end up infront of the mirror squeezing every foible on my face or face down on the floor in a pool of my own body fluids.  good lord please have mercy on my soul and let some freak accident happen which involves a plane crashing into the garden carrying a cargo of indian take away dishes and a rabble of scruffy long haired men with the ability to entertain... is it so wrong that i find the thought of filling my gut with curry  to the point of bursting more sexy than watching a bunch of beautiful men doing some potentially cutting edge entertainment? 

Freaky Friday.

                                                                       OH SHIT

The fact that its a friday night and I am sitting alone in the dark looking up secret military bases and UFO sightings is enough to make anyone reach for the nearest blunt object and bludgeon their own brains out. But, theres something quite thrilling about the fact im looking for things that people shouldn't search for. im buzzing off the fact im finding all these pictures of sketchy secret bases in the middle of no where... the wonders of the internet never cease to amaze. This whole little invasive search sparked from me having a craving to watch the video of the Mary Rose ship being raised out of the sea bed, because the bastards dropped the ship wreck in the water again and made a right mess out the whole operation, but i never found that video. SO, i decided looking at ship wrecks would be cool (my idea of cool probably varies a loooong way from yours, so shutup yeah..) and there were some batty pictures that made me feel sick and made me angry at the fact such large vessels exist. large lumps of metal simply should not float. fact. anyway, due to the fact i live in Portsmouth, i was curious about the whole naval action thats going on down here, theres got to be something dodgy going on, for example, who actually knows what massive ship-shaped base is on top of the hill? ive been on the internet for almost 40 minutes and i have found no information about it? why will no one mention it?! its a great fucking grey concrete jungle shaped like a ship with satellites and radars hanging off it?! they could be listening to our conversations for all we know; not like theres anything worth listening to in portsmouth, just full of toothless pikeys ringing hot babe sexlines and getting a boner over a girl pretending to flick her bean. fuck portsmuff and everything it stands for. fuck naval bases, fuck large boats and most importantly, fuck submarines. so hard. they're the most sinister thing in the sea, id rather be scalped by a shark and raped by a colossal squid than go in one.

Insomnia kicks in

00:19 

How Roma currently feels;

Seriously brain dead. i'd like my defect brain to kick in and start throwing up something interesting to say, but i know thats not going to happen at any stage in the next few hours. or few months, or years in fact. so this blog is completely and totally pointless and is not a creation of interest in blogging or waking up in a cold sweat thinking about all the wonderful, insightful things i have to say and how there is poor, poor misguided people in the world who are living their lives to a fraction of its full potential all because they haven't heard what i have to say. no. this blog is being created because im too much of a sack of shit to move from where i'm currently sat to do something more productive, or do the sensible thing, which is to sleep. im not going to lie, my bed is literally a mattress on the floor with 5 or so second hand pillows coated in atleast 4,7584 peoples saliva that isnt my own and most likely infested with aids, but this does not dispute the fact its a fucking comfy bed, nor the fact that to go to bed id literally have to roll off the edge of this sofa and face-plant into the pillows and not surface for a few hours. nor the fact that my aunts dogs come into the room on a regular basis and wipe their nob juice on the mattress. none of this currently bothers me. i would really appreciate someone or something to come and move me from this welt i've created in the sofa, whether it be a beautiful man carrying me, a nurse taking me on a stretcher or some hostile old bint dragging me by my ankles, any progress away from this seat would be commendable.

Square One.

I'd like to think that people may genuinely be interested in what I think about the world, but unfortunately I know most people wont want to hear about any of my little adventures and lifestyle, so this blog is purely for peace of mind, so I can pretend people give a shit about how my day was and what I have to say about climate change ( its a load of wank, the polar bears are screwed)... Anyway, as for introducing myself, I dont know where to start, but my cousin normally introduces me with telling people the fact that while I was camping for 5 weeks this summer in Italy, I had to shit in the woods like some rogue animal, so i guess you guys can know that too. enjoy.